Saturday, May 12, 2007

Liberal Hollywood Conspiracies?

Shilzzz - So I went to see 28 Weeks Later with your boy, Thoma$ Hank$, where we were fortunate enough to sit behind a large group of awesomes that smelled, at least during the previews, like really bad pot. Yeah, the kind I can find a couple blocks behind my house on a bike ride (look, feds - I know you watch me, but I'm not the one growing that shit, it's the farmers trying to skim off the top... talk about got it for cheap). Oddly enough, as the night progressed, this group began to smell more and more like baby powder. Is that what's hot in the streets, covering marijuana with Johnson & Johnson?

I digress, there are bigger fish to fry here. The chick on the left of big soldier mang (btw, Mr. Hank$, funny enough young Johannson's name is Imogen Poots, no shit) plays the top military scientist involved with the containment of this 'Rage Virus'(pardon if I mess up, never saw the first one), and, ultimately, like any (not that) good Hollywood flick, no one listens to the scientist, and the world suffers devastation as a result of this folly--and here, my friends, is wisdom.

Why is it that always the case? Well, your boy has the remedy. Major right wing news outlets will try to convince listeners (is it just me, or do a vast majority of Fox News anchors look like aliens), of a great Liberal Hollywood Conspiracy, that Matt Damon or Jorge Clooney are efforting to dissuade your vote towards Democrats, then Nader, and on down the road to Communism and total Anarchy. While this may be true(Clooney, I saw you at the Oscars), I think that this is a mere front for the real conspiracy - Scientology. See that picture? The soldier, along with scientist, save the children. In every movie of this type, when the scientist is ignored, civilization has its rug pulled from underneath itself. L.Ron Hubbard, along with Katie Holmes and that dude from Grease have teamed up to make you want to buy books like the bestselling, sweet ass volcano erupting commercial having, Dianetics. So yeah, aliens have stole my soul, and now I need to give all my money to The Foundation to Fund Kate Moss' Coke Habit. Where's Clipse when you need them?

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